


Hard Life

by Ari_to_Levi_Sama, Teal_Lein (Lein_Honey)



Series: Once A Monster, Always One [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 'interrogation', Blood and Gore, Blow Jobs, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Daddy Kink, Established Relationship, Graphic Violence, M/M, Monsters in love, Possessive Behavior, Rimming, Scratching Kink, Smut, Top Eren, biting kink, contains spoilers for season two, not a lot of fluff but enough, people seriously need therapy in canon, psychologically damaged, trying to be as canon as possible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:23:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ari_to_Levi_Sama/pseuds/Ari_to_Levi_Sama, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lein_Honey/pseuds/Teal_Lein
Summary: To think that people thought of Humanities Strongest soldier as some sort of saint or that he was actually a good person would make Levi wish he could laugh.He couldn't.He was a monster, and the only person who accepted him as such was Eren Jaeger, his subordinate and the person he was sworn to protect and kill, if need be. Another monster.Two monsters in love.Will be re-made and posted on another account (name above).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the doujin 'Mad All Rounder' by (6109) Kirishiki Tokico

* * *

It always started this way for him. Someone crying for him to stop, to please wait, to listen. Begging, begging for things, begging to give him things in return to just _stop_. 

 

Levi couldn't. This was a part of his blood, it was ingrained into his brain, now. How could he, when this is the life he's lived since he was a very young child, not long after his mother had passed?

 

He tortured people for a living, practically, now; except, he got paid with continuing to live, to be under the protection of Erwin Smith and Hanji Zoe, the two people in charge of the Survey Corps.

 

Some people thought that he was second in line of being the Commander, should anything happen to Smith, but he wasn't. Just because, next to Mikasa, now, he was stronger than anyone else in the military, didn't mean that he deserved to be in control of this whole branch. 

 

He wouldn't want to be. Even though hurting people was a part of his life, now, has been for a long time, didn't mean that he actually _enjoyed_ it. No, there was a part in his brain that screamed at him to stop, to please wait and hear to reason, because surely there was a better way to go about gaining information needed and to protect Eren Jaeger. 

 

Levi knew, though, that there wasn't, and so did Hanji and Erwin, which was why they condoned this way of gaining what they needed. It was how Levi gained custody of Eren, and it was how, right now, Hanji and him were finding out how Minister Nick was killed. 

 

An unlikely companionship, one Levi still didn't understand how was made between the brunett beside him, the now dead man and himself. He was so unbearably unpleasant, but he guessed the bastard grew on to him and Hanji. He'd say the same about Eren, but that'd just be another lie; he's always liked Eren. Maybe romantically or maybe not, but the brat always held what was the only soft spot in his heart. 

 

He tried not to think about Eren as he tortured the man before him, Hanji currently on the toilet, so they weren't there to see the mood change only they'd see. Only them and Erwin and Eren would've been able to decipher that he was in some sort of pain, and not just because of his ankle. 

 

The feel of another man's teeth being punched out of his gums, the bruises already forming under his fists, blood gushing out of whatever opening was there, made now or there since he was in the womb. It was liberating, in a sense.

 

In a sense that this and when he was outside of the walls was when he truly felt free. That was all Levi had ever wanted; to be free. It was what he dreamt about when he was in Eren's arms, because only then did he not have nightmares. 

 

Funny how the brat seemed to find a way into his thoughts, wanted then or not. He supposed that other than being free, he'd like to spend that freedom with him. The brat talked constantly about this supposed thing called the 'ocean'. And while it was endearing as fuck, it made them being stuck here in this entire shit fest all the more fucking crappy. 

 

It was crappy thinking about Eren being mad at him, not forgiving him for taking actual pleasure, small or not, in hurting this man right now. Maybe he'd see that it was for information, so that they could avenge Nick and in that help the Survey Corps, which would then help humanity---whether the people knew or wanted that help or not. It was all apart of a domino affect. 

 

It would suck tremendously, no doubt. Levi knew that if Eren didn't accept the most intimate dominate part of his very being that he wasn't even worth the heartache, romantic-relationship wise. Hanji had even said so, and despite their constant flirting with Moblit, they were completely asexual. 

 

If the biggest dumbass Levi knew other than Kirschtein that Levi shouldn't get hung over someone who didn't love all of him, then Levi knew he shouldn't. Easier said than done, but Eren wasn't even aware of any of this. 

 

Which made it harder for Levi, surprisingly. Why was it that this brat could seep through the toughest and greatest of cracks and make Levi wish that he was who others truly believed him to actually be like? 

 

Eren probably thought that the image people portrayed him to be was actually correct. Except, the reporters weren't accurate. Not in the least. 

 

How could they, when they didn't actually know him? They didn't know him like Hanji. Like how Farlan and Isabel had. 

 

Another reason he was a monster, though he didn't like to talk about them. He wasn't ashamed of them or wanted to keep them a secret, it was more that nothing had ever hurt him more than losing them. He doesn't want to imagine the pain he'd feel if he lost Hanji or Eren. Erwin or Mike, or even Nanaba. 

 

They were all he had left, and the first two meant more to him than torturing this man right here. 

 

He stopped hitting him when he heard the door creak open, Eren's voice sounding out through the dark and damp basement cage, similar to Eren's old one. 

 

Except this one had tools used for torture, the blood and human parts (just teeth) were proof of that. 

 

Turning, and trying to keep his expression as blank as possible, he cleans his gloves from the blood on them. "I thought I told you to stay out of here when Hanji and I are interrogating people."

 

Eren's eyes, so big and beautiful, wisk this way and that over the scene before him, an unusual expression on his face. Levi couldn't even tell what was going on through his head, and he wore his heart out on his sleeve. 

 

Levi doesn't want to see the moment when Eren realizes that he's a monster. That he's the actual monster, not Eren. The emotionless mask he's wearing probably doesn't help the image one bit, but he thinks that by now, Eren would have gotten used to it. 

 

"Can I speak to you somewhere private, Captain?" Eren's voice returns, and it's just as unrecognizable as his mien. It hurts Levi to think that this is the end. And to think that only last night Eren had groaned to Levi as he came that he loved him. 

 

Great, now he was depressed and horny; never a good combination. A confusing one, if anything. 

 

Levi follows after him after a moment, deciding not to tell the man to 'stay where he is.' He's a masochist if anything, but not a complete sadist. 

 

After taking off his gloves and the boots he wore in the cage, the sounds of their shoes meeting the ground are the only noises heard throughout the stairwell. Eren doesn't lead them to his (their) room, or outside, or maybe even in some cupboard of sorts that they've gotten acquainted to some time after settling in the hideout. 

 

No, he takes him to a spare room just a floor up but still beneath the ground floor above, their conversation not able to be overheard without alerting Levi and Eren. 

 

Eren stays standing while Levi leans his bottom against the table in the middle of the otherwise bare room, the chill seeping through the stone walls surrounding them. It wasn't much different from their old HQ, though the change was a bit odd. 

 

Eren just stares at Levi with those big teal eyes, and it makes him feel like they see right through him like usual. He wonders what Eren must be thinking, what he must look like in that big head. Probably not very charming, if he had any say in it, though Eren's said before that he can be more pleasant than he thinks. 

 

It made the chest pangs he gets whenever he's near the teenager hurt more. He's talked to Hanji about it, and all they've said that it may just be a symptom of love or guilt. 

 

Probably both. 

 

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me, or are you going to talk, Eren?" Levi asks, and he tries not to let that usual biting manner of tone slide in through his words like usual. He doesn't like hurting Eren, whether Mikasa believes him or not. He'd rather stab himself repeatedly than kill him like he's been ordered to do should the need arise. One of, if not the, only promises he is unwilling to keep. 

 

Eren usually looks embarrassed when Levi calls him out on his shit, or angry, depending on what it is Levi is bitching at him about. But that weird mask is still covering up what he is actually thinking. If that is what Eren looks at everyday and is still able to love and understand him, he doesn't know how he does. 

 

"Well?" He continues, and it sounds more breathy than he wishes it to. He is a thirty-year-old man, going on thirty-one, he shouldn't act this way around this kid. 

 

He shouldn't act like he does when they're alone at all is what some might say, but Eren is an adult, whether they see so or not. No one is a child if they've lived the life of Eren Jaeger; he's also of legal age, so...

 

He snaps back to reality when Eren takes a step forward, then another, and then another one until he is pressing against Levi in a way that would normally be sexual, or at the very least showing that he wishes for some sort of touching to be insinuated. 

 

"You lied to me."

 

"Huh?" Levi is confused. It must show on his face, because that's when Eren's face, his eyes, show that anger that must've been bubbling inside of him this whole time. 

 

"I apologize if I sound rude," he doesn't. "But you've been telling me that you were interrogating that man, when really you've been torturing him. There's a difference, in case you haven't noticed, Captain, and it's a huge one."

 

He slams Levi back onto the table, one hand on his shoulder, the other behind his head, and even with the force of his touch, it hadn't hurt. Probably would have should it've been anyone else, his back might've even gotten broken had he not gone with the movement. 

 

Oh, the way Eren looks at him right now, in this moment, is stunning in the most painful way. He looks so angry, his eyes blazing, eyebrows furrowed, teeth grinding. It's gorgeous, so passionate and true. Levi's never met a more honest person before. 

 

He can understand how Eren must feel, since it went both ways. They both fed off of the other's honesty, one of the reasons why they're even in a relationship, though if Levi doesn't explain himself truthfully, there's a large chance that Eren won't let him ever kiss those pretty, big lips of his. 

 

There's a huge chance that if he does tell the truth, the whole truth, that Eren would still leave him.

 

He's worth it, though.

 

And that's what makes him crack.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains smut in this chapter.  
> This will become a part of a series that follows the manga/later on episodes of the anime. I already have the manga, but once I watch the anime (I'd rather wait until it's on Netflix than to watch it weekly) the next part (not chapter) will come out.  
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy this as much as I do

He doesn't really know why he's so mad. There isn't even really anything _to_ be mad about. 

 

The image people paint and present of Levi is too beautiful; too art-like and not realistic. Eren may not know everything about Levi, just like how he doesn't know everything about the brunett, but he does know that Levi is anything but perfect. 

 

"Is it because you thought we'd be scared?" Eren's hand tightens around Levi's shoulder, and with his Titan powers came more strength, but he isn't worried about hurting Levi right now. Right now he just wants answers to questions he doesn't feel like needs to be asked, questions he doesn't even know, or may not even have anything to do with this. 

 

"Or is it because you, as the Captain, are prepared for things like that? Even if we'll be surprised, it's not like we'll get scared so easily," he continues before he's interrupted. 

 

"Don't misunderstand. The purpose doesn't change, we need to get the information we want. It's just a figure of speech." Even now, Eren knows that he isn't mad at Levi himself. Levi is too beautiful in a sort of animalistic way for Eren to be angry at him. 

 

No, he knows now why he's angry. He's angry because he doesn't want Levi to be a monster like _him_. 

 

"You hear the words," Levi says, eyelids lowering until those long lashes touch his cheeks like Eren usually grazes them at night, when they're alone. "But what will actually happen... So foolish."

 

Eren snaps right then, and it feels too tiring to do this constantly; be angry, be doubtful, then get filled with hope for things to get better before he is so down in despair and anguish that he can't see straight. Being called foolish isn't something he likes, very much. 

 

"Hey," Levi calls out lowly, a hint of warning in his voice. "It hurts, y'know." 

 

Eren looks down at his hand to see that it's practically turning as white as Levi's skin with how hard he's holding his shoulder.  

 

"I..." Eren starts, and he hates how sometimes he'll start a sentence with so much feeling that he can't express it with words yet because he hadn't thought it through that much, yet. 

 

"Hm?"

 

"I'm the same; I'm not here just to listen to some shitty hair-splitting," Eren growled, and he can feel the choking notion in his throat and the burning-heat behind his eyes that means he's angry again. 

 

' _It's not about this time,_ '

 

"You were hiding that," he continues, and though his voice is a softer tone, betrayal is now evident in his words, his touches. 

 

' _Not about what I just saw. You were hiding..._ '

 

' _You didn't show..._ '

 

 

"You don't like it?" Levi asks. "That the one called Humanity's Strongest Soldier tortures people instead of interrogating them? Good one..." He trails off, and Eren feels like he's stuck on how he got angry for lying to him in a sense, and not what Eren is actually trying to say without knowing how to word it correctly. 

 

He feels like he got cheated on, almost. Levi didn't tell him about something that's been going on behind his back for who-knows how long. They haven't known each other for very long---just a few weeks, now. But, it feels like forever, and Levi means so much to Eren. _Too much_ , it seems, sometimes. 

 

"Does the truth make Humanity's Hope displeased? Sorry, but I'm not some sort of saint; from the start I didn't know a thing about the neat and proper way of living. There's no burden, no ambition in me. Plenty of things that you can't see. The crowds are cheering for a hero, but..." he trails off again, and this is breaking Eren's heart too much too quick. 

 

"But I've told you already. I do it all because I want to break free of this gutter-like place and get outside. Even in here, it looks like a ditch, and I don't want to be in this place; I'm yearning to be on the outside.

 

"It's the same; There's not a single difference between you and I. Are you disillusioned?" He asks, hurt in his voice and some sort of blankness in his eyes, and Eren knows that he was in just as much confusing pain as he is right now. 

 

They are the same. 

 

"Discouraged? You don't want to believe me? You don't like it? Eren; no, that's not it," he brings one pale hand up to Eren's cheek, bringing his face close to his so that his somehow cool breath fans over his lips, their eyes on full display to the other. "That's not what I see in your eyes."

 

"You're right, there is no disillusionment. Derision. Regret. Disappointment."

 

' _It's not like that,_ '

 

' _Because I,_ '

 

"I... I think I am... just happy."

 

' _Together, Captain and I,_ '

 

"Always." Eren leans down more, bringing his face down to the column of Levi's neck, smiling softly. 

 

"I've always wanted to know everything about Captain, but I've always felt like you've had something to hide." Now he knows why he was angry.

 

"That's why I got angry," he continues. "But no, I am not scared or startled. I have no reason to be disillusioned or disappointed, because it is like that,

 

"Captain is right." He finishes, hand on Levi's nape making his head go more back, so more skin was available for him to greet with his mouth. 

 

The blood staining the small bits of clothes that it reached doesn't mean anything to Eren, because there is more pints of blood that stain their hands, their souls. Their hearts and minds. 

 

If anything, it turns him on more, makes him feel as though they really are one in the same. Maybe this is why he had gotten so close to the older man, felt that connection of sparks between them and only them. Why else would he feels so angry? 

 

Because Levi was a caged-in animal who didn't know anything more than survive and fight. Just like him. Whether there was blood shed that came from getting what they dreamed about, then so be it. 

 

Pulling at Levi's clothes so that they allowed for Eren to prepare Levi for his dick, he uses his tongue on him as a means for doing so. This wasn't the first time they've unexpectedly had sex without any way to help prepare the older man, but they've gotten used to it by now. 

 

Levi's back arched off of the table when Eren's tongue traced his opening, low guttural noises falling from soft, pale lips that have been begging for Eren's teeth to sink into them for as long as Eren first started to stare at them in a way no normal commanding officer and subordinate do. 

 

He brings his fingers to Levi's ass when he feels like he opened him up enough to do so, and he likes to think that by now he knows Levi's body like Hanji knows how to piss the ravenette off. Pale thighs tremble around Eren's head, and it takes true willpower to continue his ministrations and not bite and suck at all of the pale skin before him, stretch marks and scars there or not. 

 

One thing the press did get correct, though; Levi is a remarkable person, and Eren thanks to whoever may be listening that he chose to be Eren's, and that Eren can be called Levi's. 

 

"You're always so ready for me, Levi. Why is that? Do you prepare yourself for me when I'm not around, just in case?" He teases, moving back to watch Levi's eyes rolling to the back of his head, teeth biting at his bottom lip. Oh, how those hips rolled onto his fingers, his ass sucking them in as if he were made for Eren.

 

He likes to think that he was, too. 

 

"No answer for me?" He asks softly, moving in close to lap at his earlobe, biting the soft skin beneath it. 

 

"Sh-shut up, brat," Levi whines, taking the would-be sting out of his comment. Eren's used to it by now, those few days with the old Levi-squad and him before the rest of the 104th squad came being enough time for Eren to get used to it, to even fall in love with the term. At least, when Levi would say it. 

 

"Am I really a brat, though? I give you pleasure and love, don't I? I'd like to think that I'm more than just that to you; can you call me Daddy again like a few nights ago?" He whispers, dragging wet lips and sharp teeth along his jawline to Levi's bow lips, pecking at them before he laps at the inside of that gloriously warm and wet mouth. 

 

"Say it, _Levi_ ," he whispers, eyes trapping Levi's in their stare, making the two of them almost forget what's going on with their bottom halves with their gaze on one another. 

 

" _Daddy_ ," Levi moans, his hips searching frantically for that spot inside of him to be prodded at, and though they don't have a lot of time to spare, Eren doesn't want this to end too soon.

 

"' _Daddy_ ' what? What does my baby need?" Eren smirks, his hard-on almost trying to break his pant's zipper, it seemed. Levi was just too irresistible. 

 

"F-fuck me, please, Daddy. I need your big cock in my now," Levi groaned when Eren made a display of missing his prostate as his opened Levi up for him. 

 

"Hmm, are you sure your ready? My cock is pretty big, I don't want to break my baby boy," Eren grinds his still-clothed dick against the back of one of Levi's thighs. 

 

"Yes!" Levi screamed, sweat dribbling off of his face as he clenched and unclenched harshly at Eren's fingers, thighs wrapping around what part of Eren's arm they could reach. "Please, Daddy, Sir, please just fuck my ass. Make a mess of me."

 

Eren smiled, teeth glistening in what light the room provided with the nearby gas-lamp when he flipped Levi onto his stomach, grabbing his ass cheeks to put his joke on full display while he entered him. 

 

The noises that Levi made were the definition sinful, something that Eren would pray to for every second he lived, even if it meant that he wouldn't go to whatever afterlife the Walls 'provided.'

 

Going as hard and fast as he could once he felt that he wouldn't hurt Levi, he grabbed onto the back of his shirt, pulling it up then grabbing onto black strands of hair, needing to grab onto something to make sure he wouldn't get out of reality. 

 

Yanking Levi's head back, he almost wanted to laugh. They always did this when they fought, whether the fight was big or small. As stubborn as they were, neither of them could stop touching each other if they could. It was a side-effect of being in love with someone like Levi, Eren thought. 

 

"Is Daddy's dick good? Do you feel full and yummy?" He asks, rotating his hips clockwise before he pulled out all the way, waiting for Levi to respond. 

 

"Do you want more, Levi?" He whispered into the skin of his lower back, sucking at him harshly as Levi whined, finger nails digging into Eren's arms. 

 

"Yes! Yes, I need more, I need all of it," he cried, screaming again when Eren slammed in completely. 

 

"Come on, baby, cum for me. Can you cum for Daddy?"

 

Nodding his head, Levi met Eren's thrusts before he cried out once more, white liquid falling onto the floor beneath them. 

 

Feeling Levi squeeze him every time he thrusted in and out, Eren came, filling Levi with his essence as he lazily thrusted some more before stopping. 

 

"Ugh, you shitty brat," Levi groaned, leaning against his forearms as he cringed against the wetness falling from inside of him onto his thighs. "What the fuck are thinking, coming inside of me?" He stated more than asked, breath heavy and quick. 

 

"Sorry," Eren responded, his own breathing having not calmed yet. He leans down close to Levi's ear before he continues. "You say that, but, weren't you excited as well, sir? Did you think I wouldn't notice?" He laughs silently, remembering how he felt Levi harden when he pinned him down just minutes before they had sex. 

 

"What made you more excited: being pinned down by me," he asks, being interrupted with a soft 'tsk,' "or torturing that man?

 

"Who knows..."

 

"You're not fair," Levi answers, voice its usual soft tone, yet demanding in its own right. "You're going dodge my question and confuse me again?" 

 

"I'm so happy that you're together with me, Captain," Eren says, grasping at Levi's still slightly-hard member, thumbing harshly at his tip just like he loves, earning a gasp and a deep moan. 

 

"Please, show me everything, Captain," he whispers, lips trailing now over the back of Levi's neck. "The deepest parts of you, show me all of them."

 

Flicking his wrist every other time he brings his hand over Levi's dick, he grinds his own over Levi's puffy hole. "I know that this is not the time for things like this, but I really want to take you right now."

 

Taking his free hand to guide his cock back to Levi's opening, slipping just the very tip inside.

 

Levi's breath hitched, eyes scrunching as he moaned weakly.

 

"You of all people should know my nature best, sir. Right now, I," he plunges in, Levi cooing at the feeling of being penetrated again. 

 

"I feel like I can grasp," he continues, his face next to Levi's, "all of you, Captain."

 

And they continue.


	3. Chapter 3

The door slamming shut is what brought Hanji's sparkling brown gaze onto him as he walked in, protective gloves and boots over his shoes and hands. 

 

"You're late, Levi! Where are you wandering off to while I go to the toilet?" They screech, one hand holding a sledgehammer. "I thought you wouldn't be back."

 

"You were shitting too long," Levi answered slowly, voice it's once again calm, soft tone, despite being bent over and fucked out of his mind just minutes before. 

 

"It was a quick one!"

 

"Give me a break already! Hadn't I answered all of your questions?"  Sannes slurred, face so covered in blood and bruises that it was hard for Levi to tell if his eyes were closed or not. "I told you all I knew about what you asked, I don't know anything mor-"

 

"Hey, Levi," Hanji continues, despite the man's crying as if he weren't in the room with them. "It may just be my imagination, but you seem to be in a good mood."

 

Levi stops his looking for tools to use for a moment, body completely still until he continues.

 

"...Maybe."

 

"It's true! I know nothing-"

 

Levi shoves the pliers right in front of Sannes' eye, face somehow more terrorizing than the instrument he chose to torture him with. 

 

"'Nothing'?" He asks, voice more cold than he's spoken like for a long time. "'There's nothing to tell'? You think this some kind of big joke, you fucker? You thought it would end so easily? You weren't prepared for that?"

 

He flexes the two levers on the pliers, making a show of what it'd look like should he---when he---takes out his eyes. "I want everything. The things you know. The things you heard. What you were instructed to do. Don't hide a single word or phrase; don't lie, spill it all out. Even a brat would be able to answer the questions we've asked so far."

 

He gives Sannes a moment to see if he'd respond, scowling when he just stares back at him, frightened. 

 

"But you, you surely understand what things we don't know and what things we want to, right? So, Sannes..."

 

' _He's talking well, he **must** be in a good mood,_ ' Hanji wonders to themself, hands raising to go behind their head. ' _Is it because of Eren?_ ' Their mouth turns into a downwards pout, face scrunching similar to when Eren's Titan abilities start to allude them.

 

' _To be able to be taken apart by a brat... Pitiable,_ ' 

 

"Still, it annoys me a bit that we both play by the same rules," Levi continues. "Unfortunately, my principles and logic are similar to yours."

 

' _Even so,_ '

 

' _Eren,_ '

 

' ** _Eren,_** '

 

"The most effective way of teaching is through pain."

 

' _If you wish for that, no matter how many times, I'll let the monster inside me grow,_ '

 

And he blacks out, like he always does when this happens.

 

 

 

 

 

He doesn't see Eren again until that night, late into the evening. The stars shine somehow even brighter here in the woods than they ever did in the old HQ, making Levi wonder if it was because of what lights they had or their location. 

 

Either way, he's in love with both the sight of the night sky and Eren underneath it, looking like they needed the other for their individual beauty.

 

Eren seems to feel better by how he looks, tired like usual, but that unquenchable thirst for _more_ making him more energized than anyone else, other than Hanji maybe and those two dimwats in his new squad. 

 

"Are we sleeping together tonight, Levi?" He asks like he does every night, like how he'll ask, rather than say, ' _Mine?_ ' late into the night, sometimes it being the very early morning. 

 

It's still somehow sweet, despite how annoying it could get having to repeat himself. 

 

"Yes, Eren," he answers, just like always, turning from making his bed to look at Eren, the moonlight shining from the window making Eren look like a walking dream that would break Levi to his core. 

 

Eren smiles, and it breaks Levi's heart only to repair it and make it more whole than it ever was before.

 

' _It was a tough transition,_ '

 

Eren walks forward, wrapping long, lean-muscled arms around him, locking his head underneath Eren's chin. 

 

' _Going from trying not to care too much to loving someone so much that I'd stop torturing, stop breathing just to keep them safe and happy,_ '

 

It's different than it feels like for his now dead squad, Hanji and his other fellow soldiers that he cares too much for. Ever since the first Squad Levi, Mike, Nanaba. Since Isabel, Farlan. His mother. 

 

Everyone he's ever cared about, had placed his trust into, has died severely and painfully. It hurts like having each layer of his skin burned, then freezed, then torn off repeatedly until he was just bones and entrails, and then having those tortured. 

 

It's why he couldn't handle being in love with Eren, at first. It still hurts to think about losing him, because if he did, he doesn't know what he would do. 

 

He knows that he would continue to fight this war for him, but he would be empty inside; broken beyond compare, beyond repair. He's had people in his life torn apart from his viscously, to think of Eren having the same fate...

 

"Stop it, Levi."

 

Levi freezes before he looks up, not realizing that he was breathing harshly until Eren places a hand on Levi's back, fingers rubbing circles into the skin beneath his shirt. 

 

"Didn't we just talk earlier, or is there something else?" Eren asks, and how someone like him could be the soother and not the one in need of soothing right now baffles Levi before he realizes that their roles were reversed just a few hours ago. 

 

He is ashamed that his version of soothing Eren is through sex, but with how Eren is looking at him, it must've been affective. 

 

"Don't leave me, brat. You got that?" Though his voice sounds almost as broken as he feels, it doesn't deter him from reprimanding Eren, it feels. "You're not allowed to die. If you do, I'll kill you."

 

"Alright," Eren answers, smiling softly, though there was no laughter in his voice or eyes, only compassion and love. Levi doesn't understand how someone could love a monster such as he, but he won't complain right now. Not when Eren is nuzzling him, holding him as tight as he needs to be held, no questions or remarks needed to be asked or said. 

 

Its quiet, and dark, and too cold, but it's perfect for the monster inside of Levi to feel calm and happy, even. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's shorter than the other two chapters, I'll make sure the next one is longer  
> Thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

Levi remembers quite a few memories of his childhood that is enough to traumatize someone, but not a lot. With being malnutritioned and in constant fear that should Kenny leave him, something would happen to him like Mama. 

 

Luckily, he somehow had it better than others. He turned into a monster before other monsters could gobble him up like some of the other prostitues in the brothel that knew of his life where his mother and he lived at would tell him. 

 

' _Monsters are real, Levi, and if you're not careful, they'll gobble you up,_ '

 

While it may have been a way to warn him of what a hard life it was, regardless of if you lived in the outside world where you had legitimate monsters and monstrous humans to be wary of, or Underground where it was just the latter, he didn't know. It may have just been a way to fuck with his little boy mind, but either way, the woman's words had been one of the few things that had stuck with him his whole life so far.

 

The woman, he remembers, had smelt of cigarette smoke, too much perfume and the smell of sex he hadn't recognized until he had gotten into a relationship with Eren, a monstrous person such as he, but in a different way then he was scared of humans as a child. 

 

If Kenny did anything right in 'raising' him, if you could call what he had done raising a child, it was teaching him how to fend himself in any type of situation. He had been prepared for life before he was ten, been prepared for the absolute worst of situations that he hadn't fully been able to concept until he was older and had more knowledge of life than some wished they had. 

 

' _Monsters are real, Levi, and if you're not careful, they'll gobble you up,_ '

 

Monsters are real, for sure. Eren and him may be monsters, but there were people _worst_ than them, if he could believe it. The self-hatred brewing inside of stomach and down to his toes and up to the tips of his hair wanted to believe otherwise, but his brain didn't always agree with his heart. 

 

He wouldn't have known he had one other than to live had he never met Eren. The brat had made him feel things he sometimes wish he didn't, but then he remembers how he feels when he's with the man, what he feels because of the brat of a person. 

 

He _really_ shouldn't be thinking about these types of things when he's sucking Eren off, but sometimes he couldn't help where his thoughts trail off to. Whether it was how he would remember how one particular sexcapade had felt when he briefed or how one time there was a man that had followed him for a few kilometers in the Underground until Isabel and Farlan tackled him, Levi joining in later, it didn't matter. 

 

Though it was starting to kill his boner. 

 

He almost startles when Eren's dick throbs again, pulsing where his fingers are stroking the very bottom of his base, thumb grazing his balls. Eren is _especially_ sensitive when he's being sucked off, and Levi enjoys the feeling of blowing him too much for some reason to _not_ do this. 

 

Moaning around his lover, he drags the tip of his tongue into Eren's slit as much as he could without hurting him, teeth grazing his foreskin just the way he liked it. Eren's hands keep moving from grasping harshly at his hair to his fingers tracing at his face lightly, sometimes patting his hair to non-verbally say sorry for tugging his hair or thrusting into his mouth. 

 

It was alright, either way. Maybe Levi was more fucked in the head than he thought he was, but he enjoyed the sensation of almost choking on Eren's cock. It made him feel empty in his bottom area, but being literally fucked in the head was something he enjoyed so much he sometimes spontaneously did this when he made his new squad clean around the hideout, in a supply closet far away or wherever. 

 

Dragging his lips with the suck he makes as he slides off of Eren's member, he looks up to see just how messed up Eren looked. Chest heaving and thighs shaking, he looks gorgeous, with how mussed his hair had gotten with sex and face and ears red. 

 

He had such a beautiful person to call his. He wonders what his mother would have said about him.

 

He wonders what she would've said about how his life turned out. Being a mother, she probably wouldn't be too pleased, despite being okay, physically. 

 

"Are you getting close, Eren?" Levi huffs onto Eren's dick as he drags his hand up and down on it slowly, making it a point almost to thumb at his slit and foreskin, pulling it over the head before laying it back down, then starting the process all over again. 

 

The beautiful monster just bites his lip, looking so sexually frustrated with what Levi is doing that he can't help but to laugh softly, shaking his head ever so softly. 

 

"Is this not very enjoyable? I can think up of ways _to_ make it so, but you'll have to say it."

 

"F-fuck you," Eren replies, and Levi feels like today is a fighting day. Those are always fun, wrestling around in bed before getting fucked. Eren once punched him, which earned him a hard kick, which lead to Levi cumming four times, somehow.

 

Like he said, fun. 

 

"That's not what I wanted to hear and you know it, you fucker. If you want to cum with me, you've gotta be more obedient. What happened to the little puppy that followed me around the first few days we knew each other?" Levi ask, giving kitten licks and soft kisses to Eren's cock, the skin so red and hard it almost looked painful. 

 

Levi would help Eren with that as soon as he gave in.

 

"How about _I_ do something to _you_ , now?" Eren asks instead, and Levi is incredibly greatful that they're doing this in their bedroom, it being so far into the night that everyone (save Hanji) is in a deep sleep. 

 

Levi just smirks, and the sudden glitter in his eyes is enough for Eren to force him up onto his torso, fingers on his hips having enough pressure to leave bruises that Levi will touch fondly in the morning. 

 

Eren bites and sucks harshly at the skin of his thighs, full and muscled and scarred. 

 

Levi's head falls back, the feeling of teeth and a hot, wet tongue sometimes clouding his head so much that it seems he'll never think clearly again. Bringing his hands to Eren's full hair, he yanks it closer to his own dick, full and wet. 

 

"Are you going to fuck me with your mouth, or do I have to do something else before I get you completely?" Levi growls, eyelashes so low that his eyes were almost closed, though the light ring of grey surrounding the black sun of his pupil is enough for Eren to shove him back down to his back, flipping him over onto his knees. 

 

"Suck me while I suck you, love," is all Eren says before he's dragged once again to Eren's mouth, feeling hot breath fan over the most intimate of places of his body. 

 

Levi keeps his mouth shut, though he gives in a little, trailing lingering kisses with his kiss-swollen lips, wet and puffy and almost as red as Eren was down below. He continues what he was doing before, sucking Eren off, though he lets his mouth go up and down his cock slower, almost to the point of being painful. 

 

It's when he feels a tongue on his hole that he feels that familiar throb on his cock, making him freeze, then moan deep from his throat, a guttural noise that makes his whole body quake. 

 

He can feel Eren's smile, his soft laughter against his skin before he does that crazy good lick again. He just does it again and again and again until Levi isn't sure when he _doesn't_ do it, head hanging over Eren's dick before he remembers that this is a two-person deal. 

 

He tries to suck Eren while moaning, it somehow being harder with Eren doing what he was doing then when he just got pleasure from making Eren feel good. Eren seemed to enjoy it, with how he sometimes stopped to rotate his hips. Whether it was alleviate some of the pressure to thrust into his mouth or just some reflex he wasn't sure, just wanting Eren to do what he was doing before again. 

 

He knows that what they're doing is disgusting; and not because they were both men. No, sucking someone's _ass_ and their _dick_ is just all around gross. Sex in general was nasty, but that was why people didn't really think of the logistics, Levi guessed. 

 

Levi just dropped and lifted his head until he felt that quake in Eren's thighs, knowing he was only moments before his pretty brunette lover came into his mouth. Again, a disgusting thing, but he knew it felt more intimate when he swallowed, sometimes when he choked on Eren. 

 

And he did so, because he loved Eren. And when Eren brought his hand to Levi's own cock as he thruster that magical tongue inside of him, he gave in to the feeling inside of his stomach. 

 

Later on when they were clean and their hearts were pacing in a normal beat, Levi would trace his pale fingers over the spot where Eren's heart lay inside of his body. Wishing on every thing his mother had told him that, if he believed hard enough, it'd come true, that Eren wouldn't stop loving him. That he'd never feel like a monster, because he wasn't. 

 

Levi and Eren both knew that he was, but Eren didn't act like the monsters Levi's witnessed. 

 

Levi was the real monster, but he was a monster in love with another monster; a kind, sweet monster filled with passionate rage and wonder. 

 

' _Monsters are real, Levi, and if you're not careful, they'll gobble you up,_ '

 

Monsters _were_ real, Levi knew, but in that moment, when Eren smiled down at him, asking what he was doing, he felt like that woman was lying to him in some way. 

 

There were monsters, but if Eren was one, than the world was truly an evil place.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait, once again. I've been putting some of my work on my Wattpad account, which I had forgotten about until recently, and then I got sucked into the BTS fandom more than what is probably healthy, and now I'm into the horrible ships of Jikook, Namjin and Taegi... God damnit...

Levi didn't ever truly blame Eren for what had happened to his first squad, not actually.

 

Someone else may've. Someone probably more emotional than he is, more expressive and open. They'd probably yell and hit him, screaming for answers as to why it had to be them of all people, people he had known for so long now. _Had_ known for so long. 

 

But honestly, Levi was just too relieved that at least Eren had survived that mission into the woods with the giant ass trees for him to do that to him. And he had basically placed the situation into Eren's hands. He had given him choices, and sure, people payed for that choice, but in a sense it was Levi's fault. 

 

So no, Levi didn't blame Eren, as much as Eren may do himself. Shame, really; the boy should focus on other things more than things that don't concern him, like blaming himself for trivial things. That's Levi's job.

 

The experiments that Hanji's been enacting with Eren's Titan form have proven to be difficult in the least, like that cryptic message that his Titan left about his father. 

 

Honestly, Levi just wanted to shake that big head of his and ask him as loud as politely possible ' _What does it mean? What does **any** of this mean?_ '

 

If the Titan answered back like that one notebook made by the soldier Ilse had said happened in her own experience, then good for him. Levi thinks he should yell and shake people around more often. It was how he truly gained Eren's respect, then his love. Obviously, showing someone how stupid they were being was something to be thanked for. 

 

At times, it felt like Levi didn't give enough of a fuck to really do what he had to do, but as soon as someone mentioned Eren or Hanji or Erwin's name, the only three people he truly cared about that was still alive, he became the beast that Kenny made him. 

 

That's who people should yell at when they got tired of Levi's shit, not him. Walls know that the old fart deserves it. 

 

Though, in all honestly, with the fact that Eren had gotten kidnapped once again, he doesn't think his heart has ever felt this sporadic or heavy inside of his rib cage. Did it really take him falling in love with a teenage personification of hate and passion for him to feel this way, scared for his and other people's futures?

 

Because, honestly, Levi never really took the time to think of what he would do should someone he cares about dies. Petra, Eld, Gunther, Oluo. Mike. Nanaba. Fuck, Nick, too. Who the fuck has to die next for Levi to take in the feelings that he is in the middle of a _fucking_ war, and that literally anyone could be killed or tortured or something? 

 

Would it take Eren's? Hanji's? Erwin's? His new squad's? Would it take for him to breath in his last breath just to realize people die, and that sometimes it's out of his control? 

 

He hated this life, it seemed a majority of the time. The only times he's felt true joy was when Hanji or Isabel forced him into an actual calm embrace, or when he was just in the same vicinity as Eren. 

 

He needed to find Eren, and if he had to revert back into the monster that people knew him as in the Underground, then so be it. 

 

Because no one messed with people Levi loved and lived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason, BTS's cover for the song 'fools' makes me lethargic, if you can tell in this last chapter for this part of the series. I apologize, again, for the short update, but I honestly wasn't even really planning for the last chapter to be long.   
> Til next time...


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